There’s a difference between ‘giving space’ and ‘spacing out’. People can be rather funny when they start to space themselves out. There are times when confusion gets the better of me. It feels like I am lost in the middle of nowhere.
I gasp to breathe but there’s no air. I try to reach out with my arms but emptiness pushes them back. My mind tries to calm down but an unexpected intense void tenses it.
Suddenly my pores start sticking close to each other and in moments my whole being starts to cling on to its self so tightly that I feel Fix-ed.
I try. Nothing moves. Within me a surge of perplexity roars like a sea caught in a storm shadowed by dark clouds. I try to turn to my right. I can’t. I try again to turn to my left. I still can’t. I try to say something. Useless. My mouth refuses to open. Everything I try to do turns out ineffectual. I feel as if I have been chained. Trapped in a manner so horribly scary that all I can do is see. My eyes wide open, the only part of me that escaped!
They see everything around me from right to left. With all my force I try to flutter them but not a thing changes. Helplessness engulfs my being inside out.
Alarm rings and I open my eyes. I stop the alarm and take a deep breath. Looking around I notice it is 2:00 a.m. I think to myself. No, there are no thoughts. Everything: Point Blank. I get inside my blanket and go to sleep. My body is subconsciously asleep but my mind still lies awake and still. It refuses to move. Paralysed I continue to struggle with my own being.
