Monday 21 January 2008

Can't Get Over The Full Moon Night ...


“Why do we close our eyes, when we pray, when we cry, when dream… because the most important things in life are not seen but felt by heart.”
In the instant that I read this sms, I smiled and nodded in agreement to myself, ‘how very true’.
Some moments assert that life is beautiful. They are so powerful; they can change the course of one’s life.
I had tears in my eyes. Suddenly, I felt so full of happiness. The cold breeze of November, brushed past my face. I held my shawl closer to keep myself warm. Standing on that boulder made of cement, on which also stood the shrine of Goddess Minal Devi, the world where I came from felt far far away. Suddenly, I was a part of another world. All I wanted to do then was to keep looking at the moon and soak in as much of that world as the seconds trickled by.
The moon- in its full magnitude and grandeur, felt so close, yet so distant!
The uninhabited hill surrounded by plains all around, abundant with cacti didn’t seem wild at all. My mind was at peace. Deep within me, I knew that this was a one-in-a-million experiences.
That moment came to stay. Today, while I think of it, it doesn’t feel like a memory. That night stirred something within me.
My whole body, from forehead to toes, was breaking free of form. The chain of thoughts that our brain forms mechanically were all breaking.
I knew nothing and I knew everything. I shut my eyes once again and a universe of possibilities unfurled itself.

Friday 18 January 2008

Duality

I am confused. I am not used to this kind of behaviour. Perhaps I am, but that is not what is confusing me.
From what I have known so far, people, generally are manipulative. They generally are mean. They are egocentric. Yet in spite of being all these, at least they have a mind of their own! They can think for themselves. And I have been lucky enough to have met many who are of this kind.
But, you… no. You aren’t any of these. You are plain dumb!
And I am scared of dumb people. Simply because, they don’t have a mind of their own and can get easily drawn away. For e.g. you.
You, as I now think of you, aren’t (or rather weren’t) what I thought you were. You judge people on the basis of what others tell you and not on the basis of your impression of the people and that is what confounds me.
I never knew you possessed this quality too. You are a real surprise package!
At first I was only drawn towards you, but now I am totally drawn towards you. And that is because I am curious… I really really am… I can’t fathom you! How could I have missed seeing that you had put on a mask all this while?
It is unbelievable that I am actually affected by this behaviour of yours! Yes.. you are having an effect on me!
I can’t figure you out! ‘What’ are you?
Do what you feel like. Honestly, I have stopped caring. When you can’t even think for yourself, I am sorry, I cannot help you either! Go on, behave as you like and avoid me as much as you wish to, because I…. simply do not give a damn anymore.
Just one remorse, why was I so blind?

Him

He is sunsets by the seashore and long aimless walks and chequered shirts and deep gazes and the smell of cologne so warm and ent...