Him

He is

sunsets by the seashore and long aimless walks

and chequered shirts

and deep gazes and the smell of cologne so warm and enthralling

and mars and train rides

and music and dedications and messages and soft whispers at 12am.

He is everything

yellow.

Perfect Reality

No one is ever born perfect. 

No one ever dies perfect. 

Broken and chipped, we come and we go.

Beautiful in our imperfections, 

Searching for love to stick together the tethered pieces.

Let go - a song

When nothing makes sense, just breathe and let go. Not everything was meant to make sense anyway.
Love, because that is all that is there
stop running, just stay still for a moment, will you?
and hear your heart beating. just breathe and let go..
not everything was meant to make sense anyway.
look at those sunshine eyes and see the love overflowing
just for you. how lucky that makes you
that love is all that is
the wheels of time are moving
so just stop running and stay awhile, hear the hearts beating... for you
for love is all that is

The Simplest Things are Often The Truest

When do you finally know you are ready?
Is there really a moment that defines that feeling and one goes,' aah so here it is, I am ready now!"

I wonder, sometimes, that I wish I had these kind of moments. Moments when I finally knew I was ready. Ready for the change that was coming. But no one really ever is. It is only long after you have accustomed yourself to the change do you realize, how difficult it was at the onset and how comfortable you became soon after.

Change is inevitable, Well, ofcourse, we all have heard of that somewhere. But there are moments, when we see the change and struggle to slide into it. I have recently been experiencing a lot of such moments of change in life. Change in a way that can't be undone. The only way out is realizing and accepting it. It is easier said than done, mind you!

The first of these changes was getting used to a life without someone who was so close to me. This person left so suddenly and in such a way that they would never return. Coming to terms with their absence has taken it's own kind of effect on me.  I guess, I have on the appearance of it all, moved on. But my heart aches everytime I try to accept this fact.
Living a life, without that daily customary phone call, even if it is just to hear the voice. The many plans made together, the innumerable fights and apologies and still loving one another. Everything over, just like that!

But then I read somewhere that death is only a bridge, and the person who crossed this is waiting on the other side. They have but crossed a bridge, but that doesnt mean they are not here anymore.

Another change has been, packing my entire life in a suitcase and leaving and moving to a new country. Just out of nowhere, comes this change that has left me shaken. I am thrilled to have moved to a new country but it gives me jitters that I have to deal with a change again. Again because, 8 years ago I did the same. I packed my whole life in a bag and moved. From a megacity to a small city. The change was a bit difficult but I finally started loving it and never went back. I tell myself, that if I could do it once, I could do it again. I will slowly start to love this new life again and it will all be great.


I guess, the most profound things in life are the simplest things. Overcoming fear, acceptance and being happy may sound like tasks but they really are connected with the oneness of spirit and the mind.Looking forward to a new life when you are bored with your current one, is one heck of a dream to fantasize about. Living it is a different thing altogether. But I guess only those who are never scaredo  tdream are blessed with a life that they dream of.

Something Good!

If you have ever been to Paris, you definitely know that travelling by the Parisien metro is an experience in itself! And I have definitely spent as much time inside the metro stations in Paris as much as I spent outside roaming around the city. So many faces, colours, incidents just within the metros! It incited me to blog about it.
It so happened that I had been travelling by the metro for a few days. Walking down to the Parmentier station from a friend's home each morning I would notice that just at the entrance this young mother would be trying to get her baby's stroller down the metro stairs. Even before the woman would move to lift it, someone or the other, either a young student or a fellow commuter would lift it up at the other end and help her take it down to the paltform. Next they would look at each other, exchange smiles and simply say "bonjour". Each would them walk off in the directions of their own destinations.

How many times have you seen people on the streets, stations, airports in need of some simple form of help? and of all these times how many times have you offered to help them? Forgetting about your own need to rush ahead towards your destinaltion have you stopped by for a moment just to help another soul?



Do something good for one person this week.

And then post it as a comment below this post. Anything that can improve their life somehow; and remember that even a simple smile can change someone's life....

You're only young once...

So the 23rd year came and went and here we are on the doorstep of 24. I am done with graduation, pursing post grad, working and dancing (something I love doing the most), shouldering more responsibilities than I thought I would have at this age and I am married ! 

I used to be a somewhat insane person !! My insanity has gone for a toss!! It doesn't feel like me anymore. I am so much more practical and rational. 

I used to be so unorganized. (No debating allowed on that.)

Now I clean my cupboards every 2 weeks!

I use to sit quietly and ponder the universe and all its wonders

Now I wonder just where in the universe  the quiet went. 

I used to write poetry and sing songs.

Now I talk to myself and debate the TV.

I use to just go into my bathroom to do what I needed.

Now I have to perform covert ops to get there so I can be uninterrupted.

I used to eat meals and enjoy. I still do. 

I used to go out with friends and talk.

Now I blog and update on facebook.

I used to be able to think clearly.

Then I think, I just grew up!

From a Megacity to a SMALL city !!

Light and luxury have the power to fascinate anyone and everyone. A big city has a lot to offer ! Good scope, good standard of living, great exposure, better transportation, there are cinemas, restos,hotels, parks,recreation centres, universities, malls, patisseries, pubs, theatres and operas and the very famous rat race as well amongst many other things that one comes across int he big cities.

Yes, one would agree that a big giant city gives you the luxurious life with some candy floss to make it glossy IF and only IF you have " it " in you.This " it " factor basically the sparked and wild survival insticnt within. 'Survival of the fittest' is the only rule that one has to master to live successfully in a big city. In the contemporary times, we all have witnessed the gigantic flow of masses drift towatrds the big centres in search of jobs, career, education, money, luxury.

Somehow there are still some others left who desire to delve into the simpler pleasures of life that only a small city / town can offer.

Here are some great advantages of living in a small city :

• Great chance to make new friends. Small city, lesser people, more bonding !
• TIME. People always have time. Time to stop and talk. Time to do what they like.
• You can always trust your neighbours or other people be of help in case need arises. People are more concerned about one another and take good interest in one anothers' lives.
• You never have too much to travel to go anywhere, whether to school or college, or to shop, or even to work !
• There's always plenty of fresh air to breathe in !
• You can always sleep peacefully in the nights as late night transportaion frequency is lesser here.
• Country life gives you the chance to reconnect with nature and all that settles within it's abode.
• You can hear the birds in the trees, have huge backyards, gardens and a home which is a lot more than a 400 sq feet room!
• In the nights you can actually do stargazing unlike in the big cities where the city lights and pollution dispair the vision.

Lastly,if you are a person with an adapting nature and can take change easily,then going from the rat race life to a simplistic life in a small city might just work for you ! 

Pocketful of Sunshine

After completing my grad with a degree in media I somehow just felt it did not fit. Even before I could give myself a chance to think of "what now", I encountered a series of life changing events. Almost as if the course of life altered. Life did not give me a chance to ask myself "what now". It had so much in store for me that I was blown over. :-)

Suddenly I was practising Bharatanatyam, something I was dying to start all over again ever since I completed Visharad years ago! It was probably life's way, rather a brilliant to throw surprises at me. All I had to do was to be there at the right time with my mind open to welcome all that was there for me to accept.

A year later I was getting increasingly anxious to get back to studies and so I secured admission in MA with English Literature. Being fully aware I was delving into an unknown territory I was somehow trying to find means to get on track with the studies as "Prose and Poetry" was the only text to come under literature I had ever studied that too in high school!

It came to my notice that I could attend lectures if I wished to and I did exactly that. Attending university in a new city was such a new and different experience! A whole new world opened before me. People of my own age; so similar yet so different. I made it a point to leave behind stereotypes and enter that new space with a blank mind. George Orwell has said, " The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."

I was never bad at making friends and so struck a good chord with quite a few people. Due to other responsibilities I shoulder I cannot always make it to attending lectures regularly. I feel fascinated by literature. I feel at a loss of words to describe how I exactly feel to be back again in the company of books. And this time around reading, understanding different stuff from Mark twain, Rushdie or AynRand. I've devoured Richard Bach, Brain Weiss, Rushdie(my fav), Ayn Rand, Pupul Jaykar, Arundhati Roy and many more. But its a different kind of a high to read archaic literature and the way Shakespeare speaks of love or revenge or the way Elliot manipulates her characters. There is so much out there to know and understand, so much more than one can think of. I have barely begun and it feels amazing already!

 Someone said that 'books are the windows to the world' and after a considerably long hiatus from books it feels awesome, as if I've finally gotten my pocketful of sunshine. :-)

Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.

For too long now, I have been cribbing. Grumbling away way too much. Inside my head ofcourse! I have always felt that I could have had the best of things in life but then I did not have them! I could have fulfilled all my dreams but they weren't! I could have done all I ever wanted to do but then I never did! Why?

I blamed circumstances for what I was. Freud called it 'defence mechanisms'. To know the reality is different from facing it. Far more difficult and demanding. I was always told how creative I was since childhood. An honest declaration would be that I have always been more of a fantasising kind of a person. Barely ever practical!

I tend to imagine how things in my life should take place, possible conversations, fulfilling my desires. But all this happens only in my head! Then I gape at people around who have it all.( all that I wish for myself.) And then I curse life for being cruel to me!

But recently I have had eye-opening experiences. I recall the words of a close friend, "I am my own destiny". So true. It seems clearly that the time has come for things to start taking shape, for unfulfilled dreams to come true, for long been left blanks to be filled.
Without much difficulty I accept that at core I am indolent. It is very addictive. To push yourself out of your comfort zone is easier said than done.

So it's time I guess to wrap up the covers that have long hidden my dreams beneath them and head to see them take shape!

I don't believe in circumstances anymore. To get on in this world, one has to get up and look for the circumstances they want. And if they cannot be found, they'd rather be made!

State of Mind!

There’s a difference between ‘giving space’ and ‘spacing out’. People can be rather funny when they start to space themselves out. There are times when confusion gets the better of me. It feels like I am lost in the middle of nowhere.

I gasp to breathe but there’s no air. I try to reach out with my arms but emptiness pushes them back. My mind tries to calm down but an unexpected intense void tenses it.

Suddenly my pores start sticking close to each other and in moments my whole being starts to cling on to its self so tightly that I feel Fix-ed.

I try. Nothing moves. Within me a surge of perplexity roars like a sea caught in a storm shadowed by dark clouds. I try to turn to my right. I can’t. I try again to turn to my left. I still can’t. I try to say something. Useless. My mouth refuses to open. Everything I try to do turns out ineffectual. I feel as if I have been chained. Trapped in a manner so horribly scary that all I can do is see. My eyes wide open, the only part of me that escaped!

They see everything around me from right to left. With all my force I try to flutter them but not a thing changes. Helplessness engulfs my being inside out.

Alarm rings and I open my eyes. I stop the alarm and take a deep breath. Looking around I notice it is 2:00 a.m. I think to myself. No, there are no thoughts. Everything: Point Blank. I get inside my blanket and go to sleep. My body is subconsciously asleep but my mind still lies awake and still. It refuses to move. Paralysed I continue to struggle with my own being. 

When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, D !

I am beginning to find myself. It is a means of self-discovery. It is a road less travelled, and I am not afraid of falling. I could fall, I would be wrong, but I need to have something so valuable. Myself.

I begin to wonder along the way. The multitude of roads beginning to make me believe in all possible directions. One moment, I think I am down and other times I feel lost. But keeping in mind the dawn of realization, the straying of mind is important too. Really... When I feel lonely and helpless, I now try to simply enjoy it and not try to fathom it out. Nothingness is a beautiful state of mind.

The world and its chaos seem a lot less trivial to me! And that's when I feel, free.
I am free. I'm on my way, to become the way I had decided to be. To be, me.

I'm not worried about failure or anxious about what might happen next. It is something I have long left behind. I can not go back. I will not go back.

Each tour that I take, covers along a new thing to think about. The road is never similar.

Its twists and turns and goes upstairs and down. Sometimes it is smooth and other times rough.

But sometimes, my heart beats fast when I think about these things. The adrenaline in my spine shoots high.
But I know, I am a believer. I gradually became entangled in a web. The Web that my mind has created. It is rather complex. I will not drag on it, but I will have to word hard and smart to get out of it, leaving it to rise above the horizon to have a clear vision.
I simply let go and dive into the nothingness that beckons clarity !